Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Four Questions have long legs and burgundy lips, and are dancin' down on the Sunset Strip

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave is wearing shorts and a dark blue polo shirt, as it's a work-from-home day. Which, of course, means it's a work-from-Starbucks day.

Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave is in an circumspective mood.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood?

A. Dave's holiday weekend begins tonight, but he has a lot of work to complete -- and a lot of travel to conduct -- before the fun begins. So he's trying to stay focused.

Q. What does Dave want for his birthday?

A. Dave wants world peace. If world peace is not available at this time, Dave would like Tiger Beat magazine.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

It's one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and the Four Questions

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave is wearing a professional-grade dress shirt as he sips on his industrial-grade iced coffee:


Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave is in an industrious mood.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood?

A. Dave is very busy at work, and trying to get a lot of things finished before leaving for vacation. He can't tell you what he's working on, though. He's sworn to secrecy.

Q. Has Dave created any interesting tables that summarize right wing hypocrisy recently?

A. In fact, Dave put together the following table yesterday:

Monday, June 27, 2011

The Four Questions doesn't have a problem with focus -- oh, look, kittens!

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave invites you to peer through his computer screen and take a look:



Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave is in a way-to-go-New-York-and-my-nephew-just-turned-four-and-we're-heading-out-for-a-great-holiday-weekend sort of mood. But he's keeping it all inside. As you can clearly see in the photo.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood?

A. Are you asking what factors are involved in a way-to-go-New-York-and-my-nephew-just-turned-four-and-we're-heading-out-for-a-great-holiday-weekend mood? It's kind of easy to figure out.

Q. What did Dave think of "Cars 2"?

A. Dave finds it a little disconcerting that the cars, which are both sentient beings and modes of transportation, will rely on other sentient modes of travel to get around. What does it mean when Mater is inside an airplane? Does the airplane feel like it has been violated? And what about trains? Is that the Cars universe equivalent of "The Human Centipede"? None of these important issues were addressed in the G-rated film.

Friday, June 24, 2011

The Four Questions are robots in disguise

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Uncle Dave is hanging out with his two nephews. One person is wearing a blue short-sleeve shirt and a pair of tan shorts. Another person is wearing a blue New Zealand Rugby tee shirt and plaid shorts. The third person is wearing an adorable pair of teddy bear jammies, and sucking on a blue pacifier. Can you guess what Dave is wearing? That's right! The pajamas!


Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave thinks, therefore he is ... being sued by the Descartes estate.


Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood?

A. Dave is getting ready for Ryland's birthday party. There will be cake!

Q. What is Dave buying Ryland for his birthday?

A. Dave got Ryland a cappuccino maker and a drum set. Dave wants to be sure he never has to buy any more presents for his nephews again.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Tongue-tied, short of breath, don't even try -- You're not naive, you must be strong for the Four Questions

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Inspired by the meat dress that Lady GaGa wore to some event last year (was it the MTV Video Music Awards or the Annual Conference of the National Association of Junior Leagues?), David is wearing a three-piece suit made entirely out of pancakes. The outfit is mostly a sartorial success. Dave, however, wishes he had made the underpants out of syrup.

Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave wishes he were in a subjunctive mood.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood?

A. Although Dave is a man, lives in an area best known for service and tourism industry, and prefers to avoid conflict or mediate difficult situations, he is very disappointed that no one has yet told him today that he's a "steeltown girl on a Friday night, looking for the fight of her life." He can only assume that this is because it is Thursday.

Q. Why doesn't Dave take things seriously?

A. Dave is taking things seriously.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Here's the Four Questions, over ice, with a shot of espresso, two splenda, and soy milk

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave is wearing his striped Rugby World Cup 2012 shirt. He purchased it last year in New Zealand, about a week after the Canterbury earthquake that miraculously killed no one and caused little damage. When he and Britt returned to the US after that trip, they said the aftershocks in Christchurch felt like standing on a boat in choppy water. They described the experience as cool and exciting. They were mortified six months later when one of those aftershocks killed hundreds of people and destroyed homes, businesses, landmarks, and infrastructure. Dave felt guilty that he had spoken so boastfully about the previous earthquake. He felt like who, six months ago, gone on and on about how he had just made sizable donations to a bright, energetic, young political candidate, and now realized that the candidate in question is Idi Amin.

Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave wants to be in an upbeat mood.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood?

A. Dave woke up early this morning, and went to Starbucks, as he did yesterday. However, despite the plentiful supply of coffee, Dave doesn't feel fully awake. Dave blames Starbucks for playing the slow folksy coffeehouse music it usually plays at 7 or 8 p.m., instead of something with a bit more uptempo.

Q. What do Dave, Britt, and Douglas Adams have in common this year?

A. Britt and Dave celebrate their third anniversary this year. If you take the digits that make up the date of their anniversary, and multiply the positive integers, you get 42.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. Four Questions time, qradruply so.

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave is sashaying down the runway in a French blue long-sleeve wrinkle-resistant classic Oxford cloth shirt with a button-down collar from L.L. Bean. This versatile dress shirt is also available in white, conventional blue, pink, and a shade of orange that L.L. Bean calls "sun." It sells for $34.50. Like generations of Simanoffs before him, Dave refuses to fasten the secondary, useless, auxiliary cuff buttons. They are stupid buttons and, anyway, people will enjoy a flash of Dave's sexy forearm skin. Completing Dave's ensemble: chinos, a brown belt, brown shoes, and a vintage 2008 security badge and work ID on a retractable belt clip.

Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?


A. Dave is in an upbeat mood.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood?

A. Dave woke up early this morning, and instead of staying in bed, he decided to come to Starbucks to get a jump on today's work. He feels vital and productive. Also, Dave is about one-fourth of the way through a venti iced Red Eye at Starbucks, which may be making him a bit more hummingbird-esque than usual.

Q. What is Dave reading?

A. Dave has started reading "Heart of Darkness." He vaguely recalls reading the Cliff's Notes in high school. Dave has just completed the first of the three sections. He thinks this Kurtz fellow sounds great. He can't wait to meet him.