Tuesday, May 04, 2010

The Four Questions: produced on Earth, home planet of the pizza bagel

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave is wearing his usual work uniform: Khaki pants, a polo shirt, and a sequined eyepatch.

Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave feels balanced today. He recognizes that feeling balanced is not necessarily imply safety, though. Being balanced could mean that one is flat on level terrain, or perched high atop a perilous peak needing only the slightest movement to fall. Despite this glass-half-full perspective, Dave appreciates being in a position of balance, in which life is neither too boring nor chaotic.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave’s mood?

A. The factors currently affecting Dave's mood can only be represented by a mathematical formula that includes the following variables:

  • Number of pitches I saw Wade Davis throw at Sunday's amazing Rays game
  • Number of slices of deep dish pizza I ate last night whilst catching up with our good friends Steve and Karen over dinner
  • Ratio of active projects to completed projects on my plate at work
  • Ability to think of quantifiable mood-measuring variables 

Q. What does Dave think of that big oil spill in the Gulf?

A. Dave loves the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Fox News explained to Dave that oil spills are good for the environment, and that birds and fish love nothing more than a thick, lustrous coat of crude. Apparently, oil spills are like spa days for wildlife.

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