Thursday, March 18, 2010

An ode to Chewbacca (to the tune of "I Had a Little Dreidel")

I had a little Wookiee —
I made him out of fur.
I don't think he and Han
Know Vader is Luke's father.

Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant compared to the power of the Four Questions

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave is wearing this: / Long-sleeve blue tee-shirt and slacks / Black belt, shoes, and socks.

Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave senses beauty / All around him; in tiny things. / Like light, love, or germs.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave’s mood?

A. Dave's gentle spirit, / A tender lotus blossom / Opens at spring's touch.

Q. Why the hell is Dave writing haiku?

A. Like the white winged dove. / Singsong, sounds like she's singing. / Ooh, ooh, love haiku.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Four Questions go bragh

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave is wearing olive green pants, a green shirt, a blue sweatshirt, and a green jacket. He's not actually wearing the jacket right now, but it maches the green theme, so he thought he'd mention it.

Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave is in a St. Patrick-ey mood.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave’s mood?

A. Dave feels it's not easy being green.

Q. Does Dave have an interesting anecdote to tell about the "It's Not Easy Being Green" song?

A. When Dave was just a young lad growing up in the outskirts of London, "It's Not Easy Being Green" was identified not with a Muppet frog, but with Keith Harris and his neon green pal, Orville the Duck. Orville was about four feet tall and looked somewhat like a potato covered in green fur. He has a little orange beak and oversized, cartoonish eyes. He is a beloved childhood character in the UK. It is against the law to say Orville causes nightmares.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Four Questions hangs its hat in Tennessee

Q. What is Dave wearing?

A. Dave is wearing a burgundy polo shirt and a pair of khakis. The polo-shirt-and-khakis combination have become something of his work uniform.

Q. What kind of mood is Dave in?

A. Dave is worried about getting pregnant.

Q. What are the factors affecting Dave’s mood?

A. Dave is surrounded by pregnant people and, according to the new educational standards in Texas, pregnancy is contagious. Like a common cold. Also, Jesus lived at the same time as the dinosaurs -- 2000 years ago. The dinosaurs should actually be called Jesus lizards. Thomas Jefferson isn't a signficant historical figure, even though he's on our money. Jefferson Davis makes the cut for the textbooks, though, even though he was featured on Confederate States of America money.

Q. So, does Dave want to be a teacher in Texas?

A. Yes. Dave is planning his syllabus now. It's called "On the Eighth Day, G-d created Reagan." It sums up the entire Texas educational standards in one course. The course lasts 20 seconds.