Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I do not want what I haven't got, part VII

I received a Garmin GPS navigation system for my birthday nearly two years ago. I was originally skeptical of the gift, as I know how to read a map and I didn't imagine much value in a device that could bark directions to me. I was wrong. The Garmin quickly proved itself a handy companion for local driving and an indispensable tool for out-of-town tips.

I have started to consider buying a replacement GPS system. Britt's Garmin functions as a Bluetooth hands-free speaker for his iPhone. My Garmin doesn't have any Bluetooth capabilities, so an upgrade looks tempting. (Britt's model also provides real-time traffic information. That's also quite cool.)

Here's what I don't want, though: the Spotter GPS Navigator Dale Jr. Edition.

For one thing, I don't want to hear Dale Earnhardt, Jr.1, the NASCAR2 star, telling me to "hang a left," "back 'er down," "or "park it—we're here!" For another, I'd be quite suspicious of directions from any person who makes his living by, essentially, doing nothing by turning left. I'd worry that all of the directions would sound like this: "Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left. Go faster. Turn left. Turn left. Turn left."

Yup, I think I'll get another Garmin. I do not want a Dale Earnhardt, Jr., GPS system.

1 I have been informed that this man is, in fact, some kind of famous athlete, even though his sport requires him to sit in a car and drive fast. I do much the same thing when I am late for work, and yet I am not recognized as a famous athlete.
2 I have been informed that this is some kind of professional motorcar racing league and not, as I originally assumed, an ongoing scientific program to maximize the surface area on vehicles and uniforms for company logos and other corporate branding identity marks.

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