Monday, March 02, 2009

Southern food frightens me

In a recent email exchange with Britt and his brother Chris, I was shocked to discover that Britt didn’t discover crème brûlée until he was about 30 years old, and Chris didn’t know what steak frites was were until he was approximately the same age. I, of course, took this opportunity to joke that as someone born in New York, I was served steak frites and crème brûlée in pre-K. Britt remarked that he and Chris were confirming my worst stereotypes of Alabama cuisine. I, ignoring the obvious invitation to ask “What Alabama cuisine,” served up the following list instead:

A partial list of Southern food that I don't understand:
  • Head cheese. Why call it “head cheese” when it clearly has nothing to do with heads nor cheese? For that matter, why call it food when it is clearly inedible?
  • Pimiento cheese. Britt makes this at Passover and puts it on his matzo, just like the ancient Hebrews fleeing Egypt 
  • Grits. They are tasty, but I don’t get them. Are they grains? Wheat? Albino larvae? 
  • Pork rinds. Now these are a complete puzzlement. Pork rinds are pig skins, fried, right? Why not just deep fry a football, then?
  • Collard greens. They almost made me fall off a roof in Boynton Beach once. I won't eat them ever again.
  • Pot liqueur. I understand what this is. I just like saying it because it sounds funny.
  • Peanuts in Coke. Oh, I’m sure it tastes good – the whole salty-and-sweet thing – but no one looks good receiving the Heimlich maneuver.
  • Chicken-fried steak. Steak is tasty. Fried chicken is tasty. Dipping steak in flour and then frying it up like chicken is not tasty, especially when the steak is then topped off with lumpy white substance that looks suspiciously like it had fallen in the dirt and was scooped back up.
  • Waffle House. No explanation is necessary, is it?

1 comment:

Erika said...

The Waffle House does have some good waffles. That being said, walking in to a Waffle House is a bit frightening.