A partial list of Southern food that I don't understand:
- Head cheese. Why call it “head cheese” when it clearly has nothing to do with heads nor cheese? For that matter, why call it food when it is clearly inedible?
- Pimiento cheese. Britt makes this at Passover and puts it on his matzo, just like the ancient Hebrews fleeing Egypt
- Grits. They are tasty, but I don’t get them. Are they grains? Wheat? Albino larvae?
- Pork rinds. Now these are a complete puzzlement. Pork rinds are pig skins, fried, right? Why not just deep fry a football, then?
- Collard greens. They almost made me fall off a roof in Boynton Beach once. I won't eat them ever again.
- Pot liqueur. I understand what this is. I just like saying it because it sounds funny.
- Peanuts in Coke. Oh, I’m sure it tastes good – the whole salty-and-sweet thing – but no one looks good receiving the Heimlich maneuver.
- Chicken-fried steak. Steak is tasty. Fried chicken is tasty. Dipping steak in flour and then frying it up like chicken is not tasty, especially when the steak is then topped off with lumpy white substance that looks suspiciously like it had fallen in the dirt and was scooped back up.
- Waffle House. No explanation is necessary, is it?