Monday, February 16, 2009

The best souvenir ever

As Britt and I waited to enter the Blue Man Group theater Saturday night, a vendor hauling a stack of programs worked the line. The first few times he passed us, he sounded like an ordinary employee trying to sell an ordinary souvenir program but, as time passed, his claims grew increasingly ridiculous:
  • It's full-color souvenir book for only $10 (that's good)
  • There's an essay from the founders of the Blue Man Group (ah, very nice)
  • It explains why they chose the color blue (that would be very interesting)
  • This is the best souvenir you will ever buy (ever? really? can you back up that claim?)
  • It's got full-color photos from tonight's performance (unless they were printed in the future and transported back in time, that isn't possible.)
Britt and I began adding our own ludicrous claims:
  • Printed on 24-karat gold leaf
  • Forward is written by William Faulkner
  • Pages can be processed into a mushy pasted that cures hemorrhoids
  • Actually the lost ancient Egyptian Book of the Dead (as seen in "The Mummy")
  • Includes two tickets to Cirque du Soleil's "La Nouba"
We did not buy a Blue Man book. Britt said it would be quite depressing to buy one, knowing that it would, in fact, be the best souvenir we would ever purchase, and every subsequent souvenir would pale in comparison.

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