To: All the philistines who thought it was OK to clear their throats as Dame Kiri Te Kanawa was singing Saturday night at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center
Subject: Throat clearing
Date: Monday, Feb. 11
Let's get this perfectly clear. When someone like Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, the leading soprano in the world, is performing solo on stage, YOU DO NOT CLEAR YOUR THROAT.
If you feel a scratch in your throat, you don't cough. You don't make an a-hem noise. You don't do something phlegmy. You do nothing. There will be a pause, probably within less than two minutes, in which the entire audience will erupt with applause -- and that's when you can honk and cough and skkkkrWWWWWWAAAAP as much as you'd like.
Clear your throat all the way through "Jersey Boys" or "Wicked" if you want. Those performers are wearing microphones and backed by a band.
Why do you need to clear your throat anyway while Dame Te Kanawa is singing? Are you going to interrupt her? Oh, Dame Kiri, excuse me -- I think you hit that note wrong? Do you think she takes requests? Oh, Dame Kiri, would you sing "Freebird"?