Q. What is Dave wearing today?
A. Dave had intended to wear his amazing technicolor dreamcoat today but, alas, it is still at the cleaners.
Q. How does Dave feel today?
A. Dave feels somewhat impatient.
Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood today?
A. Dave believes that the tired adage "A watched pot never boils" should be updated to "A watched cellphone never rings."
Q. Has Dave recently received any pictures of park signs from his mother — in particular, any signs containing funny verbiage?
A. Yes, Dave has. Funny you should ask.