Here's another potential Hanukkah gift that I do not want: the Fish 'n' Flush toilet. This is an actual product. The Web site is located here, and here's the first few paragraphs of the company's press release which, for some reason, I received yesterday, even though it's widely known that I do not cover the novelty toilet tank industry:
Fish n Flush Aquarium Toilet Tank Brings Decorative Twist To Bathrooms.
(Westminster, California) - It's a unique new product whose decorative appeal could turn the bathroom into the most talked about room in the house. The Fish n Flush is clear two-piece toilet tank that replaces a standard toilet tank and cleverly contains a fully functioning aquarium inside. The Fish-n-Flush's insert can be filled with water for fish or left dry for use as a terrarium for a pet reptile or to house colorful plants or foliage.
"We wanted to develop a product that had a dual purpose - to serve as a proper, fully functional toilet and also as a source of entertainment and conversation," says Richard Quintana, CEO of AquaOne. "Fish-n-Flush is definitely an attention-getter."
I have so many problems with the Fish 'n' Flush. For starters:
-- Is it the Fish 'n' Flush, the Fish n Flush or the Fish-n-Flush? The company can't make up its mind.
-- In the bathroom, flush is always a verb. Accordingly, if I see a product called a Fish 'n' Flush, I expect the fish part of the name to be a verb too. (Whenever you see an 'n' in the middle, it's usually linking two similar words: shake 'n' bake, rock 'n' roll, and so on.) When this press release popped up in my inbox yesterday, I immediately thought of people fishing as they flushed their toilets. Even if that weren't totally weird, it would be totally unhygienic.
-- Think of the poor fish! Don't they deserve a better view?
I can think of one advantage of a Fish 'n' Flush, though. When a fish dies, you don't have to travel far to dispose of it.
(Click here for Part I of I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got.)