It's still summer in Tampa, but it's approximately -30 degrees inside Starbucks this morning, where Dave is busy answering The Four Questions:
Q. What is Dave wearing?
A. Dave's wearing blue shorts, a grey t-shirt from Provincetown, and a pair of flip-flops that show off his beautiful Size 13 feet. He wishes he were wearing flannel-lined jeans, a heavy jacket and one of those crazy hats with the built-in earmuffs.
Q. How does Dave feel today?
A. Dave is cold.
Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood today?
A. Dave is a little ambivalent about the weekend, because once it's over, he has to go back to work. He wishes there were more 3-day weekends.
Q. Why is it so cold in Starbucks this morning?
A. Dave has several theories: (A) It is part of Starbucks' efforts to promote "An Arctic Tale;" (B) the ice maker is broken, so the entire store must be kept this cold so that iced coffees and teas are served at the proper temperature; and, (C) the mostly male staff behind the counter is trying to bring about the scientific phenomena known, in Latin, as othay irlsgay ithway ardhay ipplesnay. If (C) is indeed the correct theory, it's not working, as there aren't any otgay irlsgay here.