On Rosh Hashanah the Four Questions are written, and on Yom Kippur they are sealed.
Q. What is Dave wearing?
A. Dave is now wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a maroon polo shirt.
Q. How does Dave feel today?
A. Dave is sooooo sorry and sooooo hungry.
Q. What are the factors affecting Dave's mood today?
A. Dave has been observing Yom Kippur, so he has been fasting and atoning. From time to time, he has also checked his e-mail, watched a little football, and browsed the Web. (Don't worry: Dave checked and the Torah doesn't explicitly mention teevee or the Internet.) There also may have been a little nap in the afternoon. Dave does not recall.
Q. What was Dave's reaction when he received a cellphone photo of Ryland, the Cutest Baby in the World, earlier today?
A. First, Dave thought that his nephew was cute enough to eat. Then Dave had to ponder whether he meant that literally or figuratively. Dave is actually that hungry.