Case in point: here's the bar of soap I encountered last night when Britt and I checkd into the Hilton Garden Inn in Lake Mary:
It says "Thanks for being here."
Soap can't express gratitude. Soap can't express anything. If, by some bizarre chance, soap actually possessed the capacity for human-like thoughts and emotions, it would most likely be thinking something along these lines: "Oh shit, ugly people are going to rub me over their bodies again."